they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
