You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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