halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
