Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
