i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
