When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
