Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
