i would punch a child for taco bell
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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