so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
