I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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