I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
