The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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