I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
