Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
