the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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