evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize