I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
