i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
