If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
