I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
