her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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