If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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