Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
