I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize