cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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