What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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