Buhtt sex?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
