There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
