When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
