A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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