Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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