someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
