Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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