So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
