Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
