At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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