Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize