I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
