On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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