that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
