if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pooping to opera.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize