is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
