we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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