3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
