There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
