I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
