Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
