He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
