we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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