I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
