I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
