Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
