I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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