i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
