trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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