8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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