I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
