wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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