We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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