I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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