nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
