No awkward lesbian experiences without me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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