It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
