Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize