tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
