I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
