What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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