So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My balls are so social today.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
