shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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