what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
