Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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