1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
